


Couldn't Undo It If I Tried (And I Tried)

by allonsy_gabriel



Series: The Other 51 [33]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst, Brain Damage, Broken Bones, Car Accidents, Cliffhangers, Coma, Emotional Hurt, Hospitalization, Hurt No Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Pain, Possible Character Death, Sadness, all that good stuff, pineapple pizza discourse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-21
Updated: 2017-07-21
Packaged: 2018-12-05 01:11:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11567196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allonsy_gabriel/pseuds/allonsy_gabriel
Summary: “I dunno if you’ve forgotten this, Mr. Age of Enlightenment, but this is a nation founded on choice, and my choice is to put fucking pineapple on my goddamn pizza!” Alexander shouted.“Are you kidding me?” Parker yelled in response, “You’re ruining pizza! Pizza is a savory dish, you can’t just throw fruit on it! It disrupts the whole balance!”





	Couldn't Undo It If I Tried (And I Tried)

**Author's Note:**

> It took So Long to write this I'm sorry just take it.
> 
> Thanks, Ring. You're a True Pal.

“I dunno if you’ve forgotten this, Mr. Age of Enlightenment, but this is a nation founded on  _ choice _ , and my choice is to put fucking pineapple on my goddamn pizza!” Alexander shouted.

 

“Are you  _ kidding me _ ?” Parker yelled in response, “You’re  _ ruining _ pizza! Pizza is a savory dish, you can’t just throw fruit on it! It disrupts the whole  _ balance _ !”

 

“A truly ‘balanced’ dish contains multiple flavor types, you idiot!” Alex said, throwing a hand in the air. The other hand was still on the steering wheel. “Of course, I’d expect nothing else from a fucking  _ mac and cheese connoisseur _ !”

 

James groaned from the back seat. “This is  _ by far _ the dumbest debate I’ve  _ ever _ witnessed,” he said, “Congratulations, you morons.”

 

“If you want a sweet pizza,  _ buy a fucking fruit pizza _ !”

 

“You’re limiting my  _ first amendment rights _ !”

 

“That’s  _ freedom of speech _ , not  _ freedom to destroy pizza _ ! You can’t drag the Constitution into everything, you Federalist asshat!” Parker said, throwing his own hands in the air.

 

Alexander narrowed his eyes. “Just  _ watch me _ ,” he said, “And, luckily for us, we have the  _ actual father of the Constitution _ with us. James! Care to provide some Virginian insight?”

 

James rolled his eyes. “I’m not even  _ from _ Virginia anymore, you idiot,” he said, “And I’m claiming Burr rights.”

 

“Jemmy!” Parker shouted, “My dearest friend, my oldest ally, my beloved--back me up! Please!”

 

“Ah, c’mon, James! You can’t Switzerland this!”

 

James pinched the bridge of his nose. “I can too, and Hamilton, I swear, if you keep talking I’ll--”

 

"Shoot me? Sorry, been there, done that. Besides, knowing you, you'd probably shoot yourself in the foot on acciden–"

 

James screamed as he saw Parker lurch forward, his head hitting the dash before the airbag deployed. The car careened to the right. Windows shattered. Alexander blinked glass from his eyes. There were flashing lights and screams and the smell of burnt rubber and the feeling of gravity suddenly  _ lurching _ in opposite direction. The breath was knocked out of Alexander's lungs. He gasped for air, the back of his brain helpfully informing him that he really did need that oxygen. Alexander tried to steer, tried to assess the situation, tried to do  _ anything _ , but it was as if he was in a haze, moving through mud.

 

Eventually, the smoke began to clear. Alexander coughed, trying to get enough oxygen. Breathing _ hurt _ . Alexander blinked away tears. Why did breathing hurt? As far as he was aware, breathing wasn't supposed to hurt. He looked around, and immediately wished he hadn't.

 

There was blood  _ everywhere _ . Some of it was running down James’ arm. Dripping down his own nose. He pressed a hand to his face. It came away red.

 

Wanting to avoid looking at the absolute disaster that was James, Alexander glanced at the other teenager.

 

Fuck.

 

Parker was practically _ drenched _ in blood.

 

_ Who knew the boy had so much blood in him? _

 

Red matted in black hair. Red drying on a purple tie. Red slipping down the grey dash.

 

_ Red _ .

 

Alexander was suddenly overwhelmed by nausea. It was all he could do to turn away before he threw up onto the floor of his car.

 

James seemed to have come back to himself because he'd started shouting.

 

Alex never wanted to hear anything like that again.

 

“Parker? Parker! Thomas!” James seemed on the verge of panic. He spotted Alexander. “Alex!” Alexander had never heard so much relief in his voice. “Are you okay?”

 

“Hard to--” Alexander drew in a sharp breath, wincing, “--breathe.”

 

James nodded and then shifted, letting out a sharp cry when he tried to move his arm. He looked down at it. His breathing sped up. “Alex--” he stuttered.

 

“Hey hey hey, James. James, look here, alright?” Alex said quickly, recognizing the beginnings of a panic attack. James looked up at him. “Good, good. Deep breaths, okay? It's gonna be  _ fine _ .” Alexander tried to be as reassuring as possible, for himself and his young friend.

 

“Parker--” James said, still trying to get a view of his boyfriend, even though every movement had him crying out in pain.

 

“James, James no. Stay still. Stay--” Alex tried to convince him. Whether it was to keep the teen from hurting himself further or to keep him from witnessing Parker's state, Alexander didn't know. It was almost painful in itself to watch James try to claw his way over to Parker.

 

Either way, Alex didn't succeed. James’ good hand flew to his mouth as he choked on a sob. “He-He’s-He’s--” James said, and Alexander watched, helpless, as the boy’s breathing sped up.

 

“He’s not dead,” Alexander said, even as his words sounded false in his mouth. Who was he trying to assure? “He-He’s  _ not _ , okay James?”

 

“How--he--breathing--”

 

Alex did his best to lean closer to Parker, unable to stop the cry of pain that escaped his lips. He could see Parker’s chest rising and falling, albeit slowly. “He’s breathing, okay, James? He’s breathing.” James nodded rapidly. “An ambulance should be here soon, okay? Everything is going to be fine.”

 

James nodded quickly. “O-o-okay,” he stammered.

 

The next few minutes seemed to last forever they waited for the ambulance. Alexander kept on eye on the unsteady rhythm of Parker’s breathing. James managed to calm down, it seemed. Finally,  _ finally _ , the red and blue lights of the emergency vehicles flashed through the broken windows.

 

Someone--a paramedic, a policeman, Alex didn’t know, and he didn’t really care--came to his door. “Sir,” they began.

 

“Not me! Parker, the kid, get him first,” Alexander argued.

 

“Sir, calm down. Someone is assisting him. We’re going to get this door open. Do you think you can walk?” the person said. Alex nodded.

 

“My ribs,” he explained, “I think they’re--but I can walk.”

 

The person nodded and the door was cut and wrenched open. Alexander stumbled out of the car and doubled over in pain. That hurt even more.

 

“Over here, sir,” someone else said, leading Alex away from his car and to an ambulance.

 

He didn't really remember much after that, only flashes. They pulled James out, who immediately started screaming about needing to see Parker. Parker himself being removed from the car and placed on a stretcher. He was already hooked up to  _ so many machines… _

 

They asked Alexander a lot of questions. His name, his age, where he lived. They asked about Parker and James, asking who they should call. He didn't remember answering any of the questions, but he must have because soon one of the paramedics were on the phone with Ms. Jones and Mr. Matthews and Alex was being loaded into a ambulance with James, who was shouting needing to stay with Parker.

 

The arrived at the hospital and were rushed into separate rooms. A doctor told Alex that he probably had broken ribs but they would need an X-ray to be sure as a nurse applied bandages to his face.

 

“Is there anyone we should call for you, Mr. Hayley?” the doctor asked. It took a moment for Alexander to remember that, yes, there  _ were _ people he needed to call.

 

He rattled off Jon’s number and took the phone.

 

“Alexander, oh thank God,” Jon said, his voice oddly hoarse. “Mr. Matthews called us, dear God, are you alright? Fuck, fuck, I was so  _ worried,  _ I thought--I thought…”

 

Jon trailed off.

 

“Alex? Sweetheart? Are you there?” he asked, his voice thick with concern.

 

“I'm here, Jon,” Alexander said, feeling tears well up in his eyes. “I'm here.”

 

“You scared the  _ shit _ out of me!” Jon said, and Alex could hear that he was crying, too.

 

“I'm sorry,” Alexander said, “I-I… we were just driving, they came out of nowhere, and now… And  _ Parker _ …”

 

“Oh, sweetheart,” Jon reassured, “You did nothing wrong. There's nothing you could’ve done.”

 

“But--”

 

“Shhh, okay? Laf and Herc look like they might kill me if I don't put you on speaker, so I'm gonna do that, alright? We’re all right here,” Jon interrupted.

 

Alex heard a  _ click  _ and then, “Alexander! Mon petit lion, comment allez-vous? Qu'est-ce qui s'est passé? Est-ce que tu vas bien? Est-ce que Jam--”

 

Lafayette was talking faster than Alex’s shocked brain could keep up with.

 

“Laf.  _ English _ ,” Hercules said, “Alexander, buddy, how’re you doing?”

 

“I'm okay, I guess,” Alex muttered darkly.

 

“And the boys?” Hercules prompted. “Mr. Matthews didn't say much, just that there'd been an accident.”

 

Alexander's mind danced over memories of the car, painted red. “Not okay. Parker’s still in surgery. I think James broke his arm. I'm not sure.”

 

“Jesus Christ,” Hercules whispered.

 

“Why is Parker in surgery?” Lafayette asked.

 

“He-He hit his head on the dash. The airbags didn't deploy. It… It looked bad,” Alex said, choking on tears.

 

“Alexander,” Jon said, “It's not your fault.”

 

“If the airbags--”

 

“Non,” Laf cut in sharply, “There is no way you could have known, mon ami.”

 

“Do you want us to come pick you up?” Hercules asked.

 

Alex shook his head, and then realized no one could see it. “No,” he said, “I'm getting an X-ray. They think my ribs are broken.”

 

“When will you be home?” Jon asked.

 

“I dunno,” Alexander admitted, glancing at the doctor. 

 

“You'll be here at least over night, but someone can come wait with you,” the doctor explained. Alex relayed the information.

 

“We will be there as soon as possible,” Lafayette said. “Don't fret, Alexander. It'll all be okay.”

 

Alex wished he could believe him.

OoOoO

This had to be a nightmare. James would wake up any second now. There was no way this was anything other than a very, very bad dream.

 

Parker was in surgery. Parker, his Parker, was in surgery. They'd been in a car wreck. Parker had severe head trauma. Parker could  _ die _ .

 

There was no way this was anything other than a bad dream.

 

“Is-is anything happening? Is he alright? What's going on?” James asked as a nurse walked into his room.

 

“Mr. Matthews,” the nurse said, “I'm here to take you into x-ray.”

 

“Listen, my boyfriend, he's in surgery, his name is Thomas Parker Jones, do you know anythi--” James started.

 

“Look, Mr. Matthews,” the nurse said, “I don't know anything. I'm just here to take you into your x-ray.”

 

“Is there anyway you could find anything out?” James asked.

 

“I'm sorry, kid.”

OoOoO

James’ arm was broken. Everyone already knew that. They didn’t expect it to be broken in _six_ _places_.

 

Three hours later, James’ whole right arm was wrapped up in a cast and a sling.

 

Still no word on Parker.

 

Apparently, Alexander had broken his ribs. He was lying in a hospital bed when James was given the go ahead to enter his room, hooked up to an IV--apparently, he was also dehydrated and partially malnourished--with Hercules, Lafayette, and Jon sitting around him.

 

To say a dark cloud hung over them was an understatement.

 

“Daniel gets off work in forty-five minutes, apparently he and Doddie are bringing Wendy’s and flowers,” Jon said when James sat down. James didn’t reply.

 

There were another few moments of silence.

 

“Parker will be fine, mon ami,” Laf said, placing a hand on James’ shoulder, “He is strong. He always has been.”

 

James nodded with a sniffle and wiped a stray tear from his eye. “Y-yeah,” he muttered.

 

Suddenly the sixteen year old was being pulled into a hug by one Hercules Murray, who was then joined by Jon and Lafayette.

When they all pulled back, there wasn’t a dry eye in the room.

 

“I-I  _ can’t _ ,” James stammered, “I just got him  _ back _ , and can’t lose him, I can’t.”

 

“And you  _ won’t _ ,” Jon reassured. “He’ll make it, James.”

 

The room was silent for another moment before Alexander whispered, “I’m sorry.”

 

“Huh?” James asked, turning to look at the man in the bed.

 

“I’m sorry,” Alex repeated, “It-It was my fault. I should’ve been paying more attention, I should’ve--”

 

“Alexander, stop,” Jon said, “There’s nothing you could’ve done to prevent it.”

 

“I could’ve--”

 

“Alex. No,” Laf bit out. “There's nothing you could've done. There was a drunk driver, oui? They are to blame.”

 

The five of them sat in silence again.

 

Daniel and Doddie arrived a few minutes later, laden down with bags of Wendy's. Technically, they weren't supposed to have food in Alexander's room, but no one really seemed to care.

 

Daniel seemed more broken up than the others, almost as much as Jon, as he sat next to Alex's hospital bed.d. “What the  _ fuck _ , Hamilton?” he’d raged as he’d entered the room, “What the  _ actual fuck _ ? I leave for work, and the next thing I know I’m getting calls that you were in a  _ car wreck _ while going to get fucking  _ pizza _ .”

 

Alexander had quietly stared at his best friend for a moment before cracking a weak grin and saying, “I’d forgotten that the only person allowed to kill me was you.”

 

Daniel had been so relieved that Alex was still  _ Alexander _ that he hadn’t even winced at that jab, and Jon visibly relaxed at the off handed quip.

 

James just felt worse. Parker couldn’t make those sort of asshole remarks. He might never again hear his boyfriend’s bitingly sarcastic comments, his casual insults, the smug grin he wore after winning an argument--

 

He was crying again.

 

The door opened. “Mr. Matthews?” a nurse asked, “Your father is here.”

 

James nodded and followed the nurse out of the room. His dad had had to finish his shift at work when James had called him, but he’d promised to get there as soon as he could.

 

And here he was, Robert Matthews, still in his Dairy Queen apron and cap.

 

They didn’t look anything alike. James took after his mother in everything but his nose. So what people thought when James, with his thick black hair and tiny frame, flung himself into the arms of the tall, stocky man with the salt and pepper hair and massive bald spot was an utter mystery.

 

James didn’t care. “Dad,” he cried. His dad simply pressed a kiss to James’ head.

 

“God, I was so worried,” Mr. Matthews said, “I-I thought, like your mom--”

 

“I’m okay, Dad,” James muttered against his father’s chest.

 

Mr. Matthews huffed. “You look like you went five rounds with Rocky, kid,” he replied.

 

“God knows I  _ feel _ like it,” James mumbled. His father finally let him go.

 

“How’s your boy?” he asked quietly, and James bit his lip.

 

“They won’t tell me. He’s in surgery, last I heard,” he whispered. Mr. Matthews sighed.

 

“C’mere, kid,” he said, ushering James to the shitty hospital waiting room chairs. James sat, slouched against the seat. “Y’know,” his dad began, “Have I ever told you how I met your mom?” James shook his head. “I haven’t? Well, I was this broke kid from Portland, right? Going to community college, working at a friend’s auto shop on weekends, making bad life choices, the whole nine.

 

“Well one day, one of my buddies, he tells me there’s going to be this party at this bar downtown for a bunch of people who just got back from their first tour in Iraq, and there’s this girl he wants me to meet.

 

“Obviously I say yes because who says  _ no _ to a friend trying to set you up with a hot girl?”

 

James cut his dad off with a look. “I would,” he said dryly, and his dad laughed and messed with his hair.

 

“I know, kid, I know. So I go to this party, and sure enough, there’s this girl. He introduces me to her, and my first thought is ‘Wow… this girl is dumber than a box of rocks’.”

 

“Dad!”

 

“What? Just hear me out, alright? So I’m polite to her because she just got back from Iraq and what else am I supposed to do? We talk a little bit, and I’m about to just go get drunk because this whole thing seems to be a waste of time, when the girl’s friend walks up to me and smiles. And suddenly, the night wasn’t a total waste because this new girl is  _ amazing _ . She’s pretty, and smart, and funny. So I buy her a drink, we dance the night away like some kind of fairy tale, and decide to go on a date the next week,” Mr. Matthews finished up, and James smiled.

 

“And that was Mom?” he asked.

 

Mr. Matthews grinned back. “Yup. Emily Che,” he said, “She was the love of my life.” The smile turned sad. “When she died? Well, you know how broken up I was, kid. You saw. You probably shouldn’t have, but you did.”

 

James nodded.

 

“It still hurts, y’know. It still hurts, and I’m of the opinion that it’ll always hurt, but you know what?” Mr. Matthews asked.

 

“What?”

 

“You keep going anyways because that’s what they’d want you to do. You keep going, and you do your damnedest to make them proud.”

OoOoO

James was back in Alexander’s room when the news came. His dad was still there, along with Jon and Daniel, but Herc, Laf, and Doddie had left earlier, saying they’d be back the next day with clean clothes and more food.

 

The uneasy quiet that had been looming over the group was shattered by the knock on the door.

 

“Come in!” Alexander called.

 

The nurse that had told James that his dad was here poked her head in the door. “I was told to come tell you that Thomas Jones is out of surgery,” the nurse said. James was immediately on his feet.

 

“How is he? Is he alright? Is he going to be okay? What’s wrong? What’s going on?” he asked quickly.

 

The nurse sighed. “We managed to get the swelling in his brain to go down, but he did experience a traumatic brain injury, the impact his prefrontal lobe and severely damaging his primary motor cortex,” she said.

 

“What the hell does that mean?” Alexander asked.

 

“It could mean a lot of things. Paralysis, seizures, memory loss,” the nurse said.

 

James felt as if someone had kicked him in the gut. “Memory loss? Paralysis?” he asked quietly.

 

“Possibly,” the nurse replied. “We don't know right now. Mr. Jones has been placed under a medically induced coma until he's more fully recovered.”

 

“A coma?” Jon asked.

 

“Yes sir.”

 

James felt his knees give out as he dropped to the floor.

  
Everything seemed to be spiralling out of control, spinning and whirling and twisting as it was sucked down the drain.

**Author's Note:**

> Whelp. Ha. Haha. Whoops.
> 
> PleasedontkillmeIdontwanttodie
> 
> Please tell me what you thought!


End file.
